The Stepford Wives

Katherine Ross stars in this little-known cult favorite as Joanna Eberhart, a wife and mother reluctantly moving out of New York city. Her family relocates to a picturesque town called Stepford. With all the manicured lawns and perfectly tidy homes come manicured, perfectly tidy wives. All what these women seem to want to do is clean, cook and bend over backward to please their husbands. While a believer in equality, Joanna is disgusted at this 50's-like lifestyle. But with deeper investigation, Joanna discovers that there may be more to Stepford than a just a prim, Leave it to Beaver way of life. Based on a novel by Ira Levin, the same writer of Rosemary's Baby, this is one of those films that's creepy in a way that primarily females could understand, but males would probably enjoy also. There was also a 2004 remake, but I've yet to see it, since I usually can't sit through a whole movie with Nicole Kidman. This, however, is a good find. (*** out of ****)

The Messengers

I hated this movie. (* out of ****)

Cabin Fever

This debut film from Hostel director Eli Roth wasn't quite as bad as I expected, but my expectations were so low that that's not really saying much. While I like Roth alot as a person, I just wasn't too crazy about this film. When I was at Wal-Mart one day with a few dollars in my purse and the compulsive shopper in me took over (which it so often does), I decided to buy this on DVD. Seeing it was in the bargain bin for only $5, I didn't think it would be any big loss if the movie was terrible. I wasn't, well, completely wrong I guess. We have a group of rowdy teenagers stay at a cabin to drink, fornicate, smoke pot and drop f-bombs in every other sentence. Hmmmm, five young people going into the woods, sound familiar? Oh my gosh it's Evil Dead!! One night after the "weed", a sickly man comes to the door all bloodied and weak. The crew decides to lock him out of the hut, which doesn't seem to sit too well with him. He becomes Hostel (hahahaha) and spills blood all over the crew's truck. "So totally disgusted", they beat him with bats and even set him afire. While the human fireball runs back into the woods, the friends feel guilty and scarred that they've killed him. Wow, that sounds familiar too doesn't it? Oh my gosh, it's I Know What You Did Last Summer!! Little do the children know that there is an infection in the drifter's blood, and those who come in contact with it are taken over by the disease themselves. With the striking similarities to the two films I mentioned, I think maybe the credits should have read "directed by Eli Roth, Sam Raimi, and Jim Gillespie". Definately nothing more than a teen slasher flick with the usual mix of alcohol, boobs and noogie. But at least it doesn't take itself too seriously, which is something about Mr. Eli Whitney...um I mean Eli Roth's directing I did respect. While it was an alright way to spend a boring Friday night, I couldn't help but think to myself "at least I'm not watching "The Hills Have Eyes". (* 1/2 out of ****)

Wolf Creek

It has been many a moon, dear readers, that I have been as satisfied with a recently released horror film as I have been with this Aussie gem. Ignoring the usual slasher-flick cliches (tramps die, virgins live, teen sex ends immediately in a slaying blah blah blah) "Wolf Creek" takes on a more gritty, no-nonsense approach to conveying it's scares. You also get to know the people in the first part of the film, which is mostly a character study. They're not supermodels, jocks or prom queens, they're just three regular people you'd know from college. These young friends go on a trip through the desolate Australian outback, and whilst exploring the rugged terrain, their car suddenly dies. Later that night, out of the blackness, Mick emerges. No not Mick Jagger, Mick Taylor, and no not the other member of The Stones, the gruff yet hospitable bushman who offers to give the travelers a tow. Isn't that nice? Since logic is ever absent in the clan, they agree and let Mister Mick pull their car by his truck through pitch darkness to a location they've never been to. Bad idea, geniuses. When they reach their destination they find it's all too true that I was right and they should have listened to me. While, in my opinion, it is not as grisly/brutal/demented as people have said, I will say there is nothing pretty about the film. Definitely not tongue-in-cheek and not recommended if you've never seen a horror film. But alas, most horror fans should find the film a treasure in the sea of sequels and snooze fests recently produced by the genre, and pulls it up from halfway down the drain to about a quarter. John Jarret is also perfectaly suited for the role as the deranged killer. Wonderful scenery, camera work and performances make this one of the best horror films I have seen in a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time. (***out of ****)

JU-ON

This intelligent psychological thriller by Japanese director Takashi Shimizu is a nice break from all those stupid, over-budgeted, over-stylized slasher-remakes that are all the rage, even if this director did remake this film, known to us as "The Grudge", but that's a separate story. There is a brutal murder in a home, and a family is the victim. Their death leaves a rage of a spirit, hence the "grudge", on the property, which can never be gotten rid of and will never leave. The unsuspecting imbeciles who cross the grudge's path fall prey to it's deadly power. Sounds kinda stupid, but makes for some very interesting entertainment. If you're as sick as I am of all the lousy rip-offs I mentioned before, you'll welcome this with open arms. Watch to the end scene and you'll get the creeps. In Japanese with English subtitles. (***out of****)

Manhunter

Man alive what a creepy movie. The first in the Hannibal Lector series, and why this has gotten far less recognition than Silence of the Lambs is beyond me. You know the story- Crazy killer on the loose, FBI agent assigned to the case, help from another crazy killer is greatly appreciated. Instead of the somewhat comical effect of SOTL, Manhunter is atmospheric, chilling, and realistic, with scenes weird enough to make the hair on your neck stand up (See below picture. EWWWWW). A much better and more menacing Hannibal Lector (played by Brian Cox) is quite an improvement and chatty William Peterson owns the film no matter how much he talks to himself. One of those few eighties stylized films that actually work! (***1/2 out of ****)

The Night Listener

Laid-out like a cheesy made for TV film, this ridiculous, sometimes laughable "suspense" movie is a 91 minute bore-a-thon that features inept small-town folks, a corrupt cop with a taser stick thing, and some ugly handmade sweaters. Robin Williams plays a homosensual writer who becomes fascinated with a young boy's story of childhood sex abuse. His guardian is a whacked-out blind lady played by Toni Collette. While talking with the two only over the phone, he begins to ask himself some questions. Is he getting the whole story? Is this a fraud? Are there really two people? Did people actually think this was going to be a good movie after watching the dailies? Okay, that was one of my questions. With loose ends hanging in the cosmos of boredom, the last frame fades with one of the stupidest, cheapest endings to date. It wasn't really even an ending. It was more like the crew ran out of film and had to make do with what they had. But the absolute worst part of the film was one of the early scenes showing in graphic detail the perverse child molestation of the young boy, almost exploiting an unthinkable evil into a cheap thrill. Stupid, disgusting, and a waste of time. (*out of ****)

Duel

Steven Speilberg so shone in this hour of glory and brilliance with the twisted cat-and-mouse tale that made me swear I will never mess with truck drivers again. Maybe not what most would consider a horror film, but it sure scares me. A working man (played by wonderfully talkative Dennis Weaver, R.I.P) is on his way to the salt mines when he suddenly finds himself the target of a truck driver's sick little game. Action-packed and thrill-filled, this is definately one for any DVD collection. And make sure to look for an accidental cameo by Speilberg himself (you can see him in a pane of glass with the camera.) Now now, he was just starting out! (***1/2 out of ****)

The Wicker Man

In this extremely overrated cult favorite, Edward Woodward plays the devote Christian police officer investigating the disaperence of a young girl. His search leads him to a pagen cult inhabiting a sceneic coastal town. The citizen's carefree, hedonistic escapades are of stark contrast to Woodward's Bible- thumping lifestyle. They gallop about devoid of clothing, freak dance in rowdy bars and keep roaches on leashes in desks (I'm not making that up, I swear). With deeper investigation, he sees the cult is much more sinister than their flower-child facde. A fab-o performance from P.I.M.P Woodward saves this from the lowest rating, but the film as a whole still ceases to impress. Cinefantastique states this movie as being "the 'Citizen Kane' of horror films". LIES!!!! (*1/2 out of ****)

Phantasm

Fun campy horror film with a Sci-Twist. Angus Scrimm is "The Tall Man", a creepy gangly guy complete with sharp spheres to b-slap the oblivious and the strength of Superman!! When a young boy finds himself the witness to the Tall Man's sinister plans, you've got yourself a good old-fashioned showdown. Cheesey? Yes. Silly? Of course, but still lots of fun. Watch with the lights off and pray to God this guy isn't behind you-



(**1/2 out of ****)

Ghost Ship

Think "The Amityville Horror" on the high seas. So bad it begs the question, "what were they thinking?"-



(* out of ****)

Deep Red

Another film from Dario Argento, this is a very psychological movie, throwing unexpected twists and unpredictable turns. Although too much talking and time between scares may be a little disapointing to you, and the cutesiness of Daria Nicolodi can be somewhat nerve-gratting. And while it lacks the colorful atmosphere of "Suspiria", it certainately keeps a tense, unsettling enviornment and is a very unique and creepy film. I can't really tell you the plot line since I'm afraid I'll ruin it for you, but I can tell you if psychological horror is your thing, this is right up your alley. And the last few minutes just creeped me the heck out. AKA "Profondo Rosso" (*** out of ****)

Demons

Random people walking the streets get handed tickets to a movie theater for a late- night film. Soon people become infected with a virus turning them into zombies, while the innocent ones are trapped inside. Violent, dark and somewhat ridiculous, it's 88 minutes of throat-ripping, head-tearing, stomach-impaling, growth-bursting, eye-gouging, helicopter-crashing, pimp-slaying madness. By no means a classic, or one you'll hardly remember, but if you're up at 3:00 suffering from insomnia, you could do worse. Produced by Dario Argento and directed by Lamberto Bava. AKA "Dèmoni". (** out of ****)

Candyman

Set in the ghetto of Chicago, this intense horror film took me totally by surprise with it's quality. After a couple murders have happened without a suspect, people begin to believe "the Candyman", a supernatural killer with a bloody-stump-hook-hand and a voice deeper than a league is responsible for the grusome murders. When an a rich, ivy league student is writing a thesis on urban legends, she interviews believers in the Candyman's power. While through the process she brushes it off as silly folklore, she learns that there's more to the story than she thought. So many creepy visuals will stay with you long after it's ended. NOT for the squemish, but right up your ally if you like blood and quality scares. Oh yeah, don't watch this right before bed. I, um, learned that the hard way. (*** out of ****)

Darkness

Following in the masterful shoes of "Suspiria", I'm almost ashamed to give this pathetic film room on my blog. Yet another ridiculous supernatural film about a haunted house and all the usual clichés that come with them. Just reviewing this was a waste of time, but what can I say, I'm bored. (minus ******* out of ****)

Suspiria

From the genius mind of legendary Italian horror director Dario Argento comes "Suspiria", taking you well beyond the average slasher flick and into a gruesome art form. A young American dancer travels from New York to a conservatory to study ballet. She arrives late on a rainy night,and unable to get in, stays the night elsewhere. Much to her fortune, she missed being the target of a cold-blooded killer. Unlike any horror film you will ever see, "Suspiria" mixes macabre death sequences with vibrant colors, "Kubrick-esque" camera shots and one of the most chilling musical scores in cinema, it's reputed as being a "terrifying acid trip", and since I have never been on an acid trip myself, I'll have to take their word for it. (**** out of ****)

It

Falling into the "so bad it's good" category, this is one of the better films adapted from a Stephen King novel (yeah, they're usually terrible). The sassy, deceptive clown Pennywise is in your drains, kids!! And despite what he says about floating if you join him in his lair (whatever the hell that means), you won't, you'll just die. He's a tricky man, using ballons and other sorts of circus entertainment as deadly bait to lure down children to their death. Especially stupid kids like Georgie. He was defeated, I swear he was defeated, by the most annoying group of pre-teen children I've ever seen in a movie. But was he really defeated? Of course not. The group reunites years later to find themselves facing Sir Pennywise one again, only this time he has shed his goody-goody clown look and is now a giant spider. That's no joke. (** out of ****)

Frailty

Another great, overlooked horror film. Bill Paxton directed and also stars in this Hitchcockian mind teaser about murder, betrayal and faith (sounds juicy, doesn't it?). Paxton plays "Dad", nameless Dad, who believes to have gotten commands from God to destroy "demons", and must enlist the help of his sons. Sounds fun, but the demons appear to be regular people you'd see walking down the street. The youngest son, Adam, is all game, but older, non-believing son Fenton sees the demon destruction as murder. Those teens and their rebelious stages! Very well shot, acted and a very nice scene of Matthew McConaughey (you'll know when you see it) makes the film a must see. Watch to the end for big twist. (**** out of ****)

Alice, Sweet Alice

Brooke Sheilds made her film debut in this cheesy film about a girl so jealous of her younger sister that she resorts to murder to get back the limelight. A disturbing story that could have made for some fun entertainment, but instead should be thrown into the soon to be forgotten bin. The only creepy part is the obese pedophile who lives downstairs and eats cat food. Also known as "Communion"(* out of ****)

Motel Hell

"Meat's meat and man's gotta eat!" Never have words so eloquently flowed in a horror screenplay. This gory horror comedy (I've been reviewing alot of those lately) stars western god Rory Calhoun as Farmer Vincent, a kindly old farmer making a killing, well many killings, selling his famous smoked sausages to unsuspecting customers. His special ingredient is, as you probably guessed, human flesh. He actually keeps his victims lined up in rows like heads of cabage, it's wild!! Grotesque, macabre, and hysterically funny horror story is definately not one for the squemish, but definately worth watching for those who like lots of blood with their laughs. Look for the DVD two pack with Deranged. (**** out of ****)