It

Falling into the "so bad it's good" category, this is one of the better films adapted from a Stephen King novel (yeah, they're usually terrible). The sassy, deceptive clown Pennywise is in your drains, kids!! And despite what he says about floating if you join him in his lair (whatever the hell that means), you won't, you'll just die. He's a tricky man, using ballons and other sorts of circus entertainment as deadly bait to lure down children to their death. Especially stupid kids like Georgie. He was defeated, I swear he was defeated, by the most annoying group of pre-teen children I've ever seen in a movie. But was he really defeated? Of course not. The group reunites years later to find themselves facing Sir Pennywise one again, only this time he has shed his goody-goody clown look and is now a giant spider. That's no joke. (** out of ****)

Frailty

Another great, overlooked horror film. Bill Paxton directed and also stars in this Hitchcockian mind teaser about murder, betrayal and faith (sounds juicy, doesn't it?). Paxton plays "Dad", nameless Dad, who believes to have gotten commands from God to destroy "demons", and must enlist the help of his sons. Sounds fun, but the demons appear to be regular people you'd see walking down the street. The youngest son, Adam, is all game, but older, non-believing son Fenton sees the demon destruction as murder. Those teens and their rebelious stages! Very well shot, acted and a very nice scene of Matthew McConaughey (you'll know when you see it) makes the film a must see. Watch to the end for big twist. (**** out of ****)

Alice, Sweet Alice

Brooke Sheilds made her film debut in this cheesy film about a girl so jealous of her younger sister that she resorts to murder to get back the limelight. A disturbing story that could have made for some fun entertainment, but instead should be thrown into the soon to be forgotten bin. The only creepy part is the obese pedophile who lives downstairs and eats cat food. Also known as "Communion"(* out of ****)

Motel Hell

"Meat's meat and man's gotta eat!" Never have words so eloquently flowed in a horror screenplay. This gory horror comedy (I've been reviewing alot of those lately) stars western god Rory Calhoun as Farmer Vincent, a kindly old farmer making a killing, well many killings, selling his famous smoked sausages to unsuspecting customers. His special ingredient is, as you probably guessed, human flesh. He actually keeps his victims lined up in rows like heads of cabage, it's wild!! Grotesque, macabre, and hysterically funny horror story is definately not one for the squemish, but definately worth watching for those who like lots of blood with their laughs. Look for the DVD two pack with Deranged. (**** out of ****)

Dead Alive

There are many different words to describe this New Zealand cult classic- Funny, bloody and ridiculous just to name a few. But there's not that one special word to sum it all up. It's reputation as being the goriest film of all time is definately something not many can contridict. It's make-up effects are some of the best you can see. Director Peter Jackson uses heavy tounge-in-cheek techniques to play down the over-the-top gore, which make for some hysterical scenes (Remember the photobook.). While there are of course some pretty silly, and somtimes stupid, moments, this is overall loads of fun. (***1/2 out of ****)

Jeepers Creepers

Awful film about a supernatural creature with a really bad make-up job. That's all I have to say. (* out of ****)

Evil Dead

With the reference to this film in my "Hills Have Eyes" review, I've decided to pay homage to one my favorite horror films of all time. *deep breath* Let us begin.....

A group of friends travel deep into the woods to spend a weekend at a ramshackle cabin. Things are fine until Ash's (Bruce Campbell) girlfriend is.......don't read if you're easily disturbed, but do if you like a laugh........raped by the woods. Yes raped by the woods. What these crazy kids didn't know about the cabin is the evil spirts lurking within. Great film with tounge-in-cheek horror, terrific make-up effects and Bruce Campbell to top it all off!! A true classic (****out of ****)

Deranged

This ultra-low budget film showcasing Ed Gein's downward spiral and ultimate fall to the dark side is eerily depicted in this creepy cult film. Roberts Blossom (remember Marley from Home Alone?), plays Ezra Cobb, the ficticious character inspired by Gein, in a chilling performance. Living with his overbearing and controling mother has given him a distorted view on the world, women in particular. You know the story, but probably haven't seen the movie. Although I did find the news reporter who narrated the story to be somewhat unnatural. Other than that, it's a very unappreciated horror film.

I haven't seen it anywhere available for to rent, but you can find it on double feature DVD with "Motel Hell" (another classic!!) for around $10. Buy it, you won't be dispointed. Except if you don't like it. Excuse me for sounding cliché, but great for a rainy Friday night. (*** out of ****)

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

I am stunned, absolutely stunned from this film. Not in a good way like after a viewing of Sam Rami's low-budget masterpiece "Evil Dead", but on the contrary of the that unbridled ecstasy. How a movie this bad, this cheesy, this unscary, and this incomprihensibly terrible could be one of the genre's most praised works, is a mystery wrapped inside an enigma.

A family of city folk set off for a car trip through the rocky desert and crash their car off the road, making their car unusable (wow, that could have been better written). They run into a family of mountain freaks who seem to have gotten their clothes from the "Land of the Lost" prop department. And with this comes the usual mix of gunshots, stabbings and burnings at the stakes. Not a single scare in the 89 minute muck. The tagline is "The lucky ones died first". No, the lucky ones just don't see this movie. (* out of ****)

28 Days Later

Low- budget UK import about an epidemic that has turned most of the world's population into flesh-hungry zombies. There are only a few survivors trying to out-run the monsters, attempting to seek refuge at an army base. Better than any Living Dead film! What I especially liked about this movie was the speed and aggression of the zombies. They're not the usual braindead sulkers. They're just as fast as you are and outnumber by the 100's. Also, a great soundtrack, high quality acting, and the empty London scene make this the best zombie film I have ever seen. (**** oout of ****)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Very few films have been able to duplicate the claustrophobic intensity and dark humor of this horror masterpiece. One of the things I love most about this movie is how Tobe Hooper plays with your mind. It has the reputation for being one of the most graphically violent movies you could see, yet is virtually bloodless. Alot like Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho". It's low budget adds to the realism, making you think you're watching a documentary other than a movie. Try, if you can, to get it on VHS. The quality isn't as good as a DVD, which makes it creepier! (**** out of ****)

George A. Romero's Land of the Dead

George Romero's fourth installment in his blockbuster horror cult series disappoints on so many levels. What started out as campy, tongue-in-cheek, rainy Friday night flick has turned into an over-budgeted, over-stylized, oversexed mess. The survivors of the attacks by living dead have contained themselves in a half poverty-stricken, half utopian new city. They've employed defense teams to keep the zombies out of their new wonderland. They've even got a mile-long tank/train doohickey equipped with missiles, machine guns, grenades, and, yes you guessed it, fireworks. But now the zombies are ticked. Why should they be shunned from the Marx-inspired paradise just because they get some cravings for flesh every now and then? It's not fair. So they decide to invade the city and show the humans who's boss. Although a humorous performance form Dennis Hopper and marvolous make-up effects from the legendary effects god Tom Savini, this falls far short of what it could have been. (*1/2 out of ****)

Recommendations- Night of the Living Dead, 28 Days Later, Zombie (Italian film, aka Zombi 2).

The Amityville Horror

The only mystery in this bomb is trying to figure out if Stuart Rosenberg was trying to make a quality horror film or an alternative for a sleeping pill. The story centers around the infamous haunted house and a family trying to figure out what the evil forces in their house want from them. James Brolin plays the sweaty, hairy Brawny man wannabe husband and Margot Kidder is the nerve-gratting , lipless wife. The only scary part of the film is a 70's, acid induced love scene between the two. Corney effects, cheesey blood floods, and horrific acting and directing make this one to avoid. Or like I said, if you can't sleep...... (* out of ****)

Recomendations- The Haunting, House on Haunted Hill, Poltergeist.

Hellraiser

Clive Barker's highly overrated flick about a pandora's box that opens the gateway of Hell falls far short of it's reputation of being one of the most innovative horror films ever made. Zero scares, repulsive acting, pitiful screenplay and cheesey effects add to the sheer stupidity of the film. The one creepy part of the film is the "main man" Pinhead, who has very little screentime. You'd think a movie about a dude with pins in his head that signify eternal suffering and has sadomasochistic themes would be terrifying. Well guess again. (* out of ****)

The Funhouse

One of Tobe Hooper's best Friday-night slasher flicks. Four teens attend a local fair and decide to stay the night in the main attraction- the funhouse. They come to find they made a VERY big mistake. Hooper generates some good quality suspense and scares in the claustrophobic setting, although highly disapointing monster make-up leaves you unsatisfied after waiting so long to see the killer's real face. Alas, it's a must-watch for the Halloween season.

Maniac

Frank Zito is not the kind of guy you want to take home to your father, girls. Besides having a house full of mannequins and a hurt soul from his cruel mother, he'll likely scalp you on the first date. No matter how charming or good-looking he may seem to you, DO NOT fall for his tricks! The puppy-love will likely turn to bloodshed. Joe Spinell, who also wrote and produced the film, does a semi-respectable job as the cold-blooded stalker, also giving a delightful Christopher Walken-style voice. Good make-up and camera angles give us a nice subway scene. But unfortunately, the films many clichés (predictable jump-scenes, familiar conflicts etc....) make this nothing more than your average drive-in fare. I would much rather recommend Deranged. 1980 (** out of ****)